


The Apology

by inbetweenfractals



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Study, Gen, fits in canon, seriously though this is mostly a Killua character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2343164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inbetweenfractals/pseuds/inbetweenfractals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon apologizes. Killua accepts the apology.</p><p>Gon is sincere. And Killua, well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Apology

Killua nods.

Killua knows that Gon means it. Gon doesn't say things if he isn't sincere about them. And that means what he had said before was sincere too.

That Killua doesn't care.

If Gon is sincere then...well, Killua is not the same.

He nods again and shrugs. "It's okay," he says. "If you keep this up, you're gonna get embarrassing."

Gon smiles in relief, and it is like sunlight after years of rain.

Killua can't help but smile helplessly in return.

 

And yet, somehow, he still feels hollow. He feels like he had after those last few assassinations, before he ran away. Like something is missing, something is not enough. Had he always been like this? Why is he only noticing it now?

Or is it because...?

He has to get out of here.

He has a legitimate justification. Alluka needs him. She wants to see the world, whereas Gon wants to talk with his dad. Their paths would split eventually, so they might as well split up now. Really, it’s a real reason. Really, really.

Still, Killua can't shake the feeling that he is running away. But he isn't. Not really. He is just...leaving.

But sometimes he runs his fingers across his scalp, just to make sure there are no needles there.

 

And jeez, if that isn’t messed up. Illumi loves him, Killua knows that. His whole family does (well, okay, Milluki is a bit questionable), and he loves them too (even maybe Illumi). Kalluto’s fine too, but Killua doesn’t talk with him that often. None of them verbalize it, but he knows. And so their crazy messed up love left him with psychological problems and with him and his sister on the run.

Maybe that’s why he hadn’t said anything to Gon.

...maybe.

There are just so many things Gon doesn’t know.

He doesn’t really know about Killua’s family. He gets it, sorta, but he doesn’t know about all the details of Killua’s training or the way that they do care about each other. He doesn’t know about the needles. He doesn’t know that Killua has been planning to leave for a long time. He doesn’t know much about Nanika, only her name and that she saved him. He doesn’t know that Killua has done his best to save Alluka and Gon both.

Killua prefers that Gon doesn’t know. Really.

But sometimes he thinks…

No. He doesn’t want to tell anyone, least of all Gon. He doesn’t want to see how his expression changes. He can’t even articulate it to himself, but he just doesn’t want to say anything.

He doesn’t want to think about it.

So he doesn’t.

“Hey, Alluka, wanna get some ice cream?”


End file.
